Accountants and Alcohol

Working as a tech, I was in a small town 50km from home doing updates at an accounting firm. 

While I was there, it was evident that I needed to service the laser printer, not that I actually had anything to service it with, but I thought I'd clean the rollers at least. 

It was getting on in the afternoon, staff were just starting to leave, freeing up computers for me to down to the fun stuff. I inquire with the owner as to whether or not they had any kind of white or clear alcohol. 

She drags me to the kitchen, and before I can even get the words out of my mouth that I want to service the printer, so I just need a cap full, she has two glasses, and a previously fully bottle of vodka out, the lid off and 3/4 fills them both. It was the most fluid motion I've ever seen out of a human. By the time the words are out of my mouth, she's just downed the entire glass. These were not *small* glasses. Impressive.

Well, when in Rome.

After downing about 6 shots worth of vodka on an empty stomach in a single mouth full and having the awareness that I (luckily) had a few hours work ahead of me the drive home, I took a cap full, and went out sorting that damned printer out. 

By about 9pm I was done. By common theory, it'd been over 4 hours, across maybe 6 drinks. No drama.

I was hungry, tired, and I really needed food to absorb the remaining vodka that had reminded me of its presence in my empty gut for quite some time. I lacked the storage capacity back then. I was something of a wafer. 

Being 9pm also meant that nothing in this town was open. It didn't matter. Somehow I was home 19 minutes later. That's a reasonable effort through 50km of mostly pine forest at night in a buzz box. Don't even bother trying to do that math. I suspect the aliens has something to do with that one.